How well do we really know our partners? Only 25% of people are certain about their partner’s funeral wishes – including whether they would rather be buried or cremated – according to new research from Octopus Legacy.
Ahead of Valentine’s Day, Octopus Legacy surveyed over 1,000 UK adults to find out how well people understand their partner’s funeral preferences, including practical arrangements and personal choices such as burial or cremation, readings and music.
The study found that while 61% of people mostly or completely trust their partner to make the right funeral decisions on their behalf, only 28% are completely certain about the practical arrangements their partner would want.
Certainty is even lower when it comes to personal details, with only 26% saying they are very or completely certain about the music, readings, or other personal elements their partner would want included in their funeral.
Despite this, most couples believe the conversation matters. Nearly nine in ten respondents (89%) say it is important for couples to discuss funeral wishes in advance, yet only 19% say they have actually had a detailed discussion with their partner. More than half say they have spoken about it briefly, and almost a quarter have never discussed it at all.
Reasons for why such discussions did not take place ranged from it not being considered a priority (19%); that they were too young to discuss (16%); or that they had not found the right time (8%). A further 8% said the topic felt uncomfortable or too morbid.
Cremation was the most commonly assumed preference for a partner’s burial arrangements, cited by 57% of respondents. However, 15% said they did not know what their partner would want at all.
The findings point to a clear gap in the kind of conversations couples are having, and while many couples assume their partner knows them well enough to make these decisions, the reality is that most aren’t certain of their partner’s wishes.
Not having these conversations can make an already painful time even harder, with couples worrying whether they’ve got it right.
Commenting on the findings, Sam Grice, Founder and CEO of Octopus Legacy, said: “Love and trust are fundamental in any relationship, but this research shows they are not always a substitute for clear conversations. When funeral wishes are left unspoken, partners can find themselves having to make significant decisions at an already emotionally difficult time, without knowing whether they are truly honouring what their loved one would have wanted. Having these conversations earlier can provide clarity and reassurance, and help remove unnecessary uncertainty when it matters most.”
With Valentine’s Day traditionally focused on love, trust and creating space to connect with your partner, the findings highlight an opportunity for couples to turn that closeness into clearer communication by having these conversations earlier.
